Realizations

I have just attended the christening of the child of my very good friend.We haven't seen in each other in a while and i found that nothing has changed in her appearance except for the fact that she has a brand new accessory, her cute 3 month old baby girl.

The baby's eyes are the same as her father's though the arch of her brow plus the way she pucker her lips when is pissed reminds me very much of my friend.I found myself looking at her every move and slipping my finger on her hands just to see if she will grab it and boy she looks cute when she yawns.

My friend keeps hugging her child,nuzzling her neck,smelling her underarms and then suddenly whispered that shes happy she got a cute girl now.I just chuckled and agreed with her.In my mind, i wondered if i would say the exact same thing when i have my own.

You see i am not that thrilled to have a child of my own.Seeing my cousin shout at the top of her lungs to her son is certainly not an enticing picture to look at and learning how my mother's knee is growing weaker due to her babysitting job.Well it just made me cross that path even more.

It was only a couple of years that i warmed up to the idea of imagining myself being a mother. Seeing my friends marrying and having a baby one after the other got me into thinking that i should be in the stage too.

Plus seeing how enthralled my friend is with her baby girl made me think even more and without me realizing it , I've begun analyzing the state of my life right now.I begun wondering if i will eventually marry my boyfriend, have a baby and blissfully say that being a mom completes me and is the most wonderful job of all. (yeah right lol)

Maybe I'm just affected by the hugging and surrounded by all those adorable girls and boys, who wouldn't think about it right. They're like interactive dolls with the softest skin,adorable goo goo eyes and the most heartwarming smile.

However just as fast as i begun thinking about those things, a clearer state of mind eventually took over and i realized that i'm not ready for that kind of responsibility. Sure I've begun to want one for my own and in my mind i think my boyfriend is "The One" , however you have to give everything you've got for your child and how can i if i am not sure of so many things.

Sure ive always placed everyone else's need before my own however if i take the plunge now when will i have a chance to attend to my own needs and wants.When will i be able to indulge myself and have my pay all to myself.

I guess i still have a lot of unfinished businesses to attend so for now i 'll just content myself on being the tita/ninang of an adorable baby girl.