Saturday, January 30, 2010

To be weak is to be strong.

A friend of mine got a shock yesterday because of some insensitive dude on the forum. I cant really blame her for feeling really violated and weak at the time. It is a natural reaction and i would not say that it is a sign of weakness.

It takes a lot of guts to walk away , to detach yourself and to not stoop at the dude's level.It is for me a sign of being strong, strong enough to acknowledge what just happened and to stand up afterwards. I cant really say what i would have done if some dude mentioned something like that, but i do know that i will just walk away and let karma chase that guy for me. 

I was raised a different way and though i can say that i am a girl who feels all those things, i need to act like i am strong and can handle everything even though i cant.You see i was the eldest and it was embedded in my system that i will be the one who would elevate my family's status. My path is already laid out for me and any negative feelings are something that should be suppressed or brushed away so as not to cause a ripple within the family. 

Friendship for me is something that has an expiration date, something that wouldn't last if i don't give anything that would benefit them.Most of what i have called friends in the past either just liked me because i am the only one around  or because they need something from me and shortly i stop opening up to people.I was sick of letting them know who i am only to be taken for granted,to be used and to be a substitute for somebody who's missing. 

I was fortunate to have the chance to really meet those people who knows me and takes the time to ask how i am.To talk to me even though i am not always the one to initiate the conversation.At least i know that those who stay with me are friends and those who didn't exert any effort are not what they seemed to be.

Meeting a variety of personalities shaped me in a way that made it seemed that i am brave for some.Brave enough to see that not all people will accept me, like me or even respect me.It takes a lot of guts to set out alone but it even more so when you acknowledge that you need somebody which is something that i have a hard time doing until now. 

1 comment:

Thet said...

Nice one Aya.... i am a better ... strong .... thet now..... cheers... :)

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im a frustrated writer who always ran out of things to say when it is time to write them.A dreamer who kept on dreaming eventhough my wings have been broken many times before. A typist who only uses 2 fingers on the left and 1 on the right.a person with out of this world comments and words that never failed to amuse my friends.

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